Single Ladies: Don't give away your virtue!!!

Before you say it...I am aware that I am married and have been in a committed relationship since the age of 17...to the same person.  Fortunately, I have lived many lives through the eyes of my clients and I think I have something you can use.

Ahhh the single life! Some people claim to love it while others would sell their entire soul to avoid it. No matter where you may fall on that continuum, you should be prepared for the day that some illegitimate man-child walks into your life posing as your future.  What a man wants is simple.  A woman who is fit in all areas: physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally and intellectually.....as he should.  All of these qualities make you a virtuous woman and lets be honest, being cute will only get you so far with a REAL man.  The problem is that women have either ZERO or an infinite amount of standards, in which they usually focus on the wrong things. Someone shows up at your door with a bag of magic beans and there it goes....your virtue.  Each passing day, you spend fighting for a relationship that was never meant to be all for a man who has come for one thing, and one thing only....your virtue.

What do I mean?  I will tell you:

1. You work out...and hard, in hopes that he continues to appreciate your external aesthetic (we all know men are visual). But does he exercise and take care of his body? Does he make health and fitness a priority?  Is he committed to "persevering his sexy" not just for you, but for himself?  

2. You go to church and regularly spend time with God.  You pray for him, his livelihood and viability. But is he doing the same for you?  Does he sleep in on Sundays? Maybe he feels like God is to be acknowledged only on Christmas, Easter and the occasional wedding/funeral? Does he pray for you?
 
3. You've worked hard to save your money.  You passed up on that purse, those boots AND the new comforter for your bed all so you can have some girl power money for a rainy day. Does he have a nest egg? Will he opt out of the sound equipment he wants in his car for the purpose of getting out of his mom's basement, off of his friend's couch, or to go from renting to owning?

4. How about the way you work so hard to make sure he feels supported.  When he is feeling low, you cook him his favorite meal and remind him that you are there for anything he needs. You even plan a special weekend for just the two of you to help him clear his mind.  But when the tables have turned and you need emotional support, is he anywhere to be found?  Does he encourage you? Can you count on him to at least make an effort to understand how you feel?

5. Finally, you went to school. You've worked countless hours and made many sacrifices to become the professional that you are today. You take pride in your work (regardless of your level) because you understand the necessity of an honorable effort put forth in order to make your dreams come true. Conversely, regardless of his educational background or occupation, does he take pride in his work? Does he get there early?  Does he ensure that whatever he produces can be held to a standard that demonstrates this pride? Does he have goals?  Where exactly is he going and does this place coincide with where you see yourself ultimately?

That's what I mean.  No woman is perfect, but I have to admit that much of the problem that the men of today face is the willingness of the woman.  While there are women...single women who value themselves and their destiny, there are far too many women who don't and are standing in line just waiting and willing to accept anything that a man is kind enough to give.  Let me be clear when I say this: EVERYTHING, and I do mean everything a man does is about a woman. Be it something for his mother because of what she did, or something against his girlfriend for what she (his mother) didn't do, the actions of men revolve around women (just ask your nearest "grown ass man").  It could be a behavior to acquire the attention of a woman, or to keep a woman, or to replace a woman, or to impress....you get it now, right?  We as women hold the power of the movement of this entire world. Literally, if we stop....so does humanity.  Just take a minute to let that sink in.  So for the life of me, I cannot seem to figure out WHY on God's green earth, we are spending our days handing out free virtue samples to every Tom, Dick and Harry only to find ourselves alone, dried up and bitter as hell!

Consider this, Mr. Right has not yet availed because Mrs. Right has nothing left to give from her time spent with Mr. Wrong (grace is sufficient).

Advice Corner:

1. Understand that the circle of life does not stop at your relationship's door.  When appropriate, learn to accept the fact that you are dealing with someone  who is not meant for the FUTURE YOU. "Goodbye" can be empowering and should not be feared.

2. Keep your third eye open.  I'm not saying don't trust your man, I'm saying you need to be able to trust yourself.  If you are so WIDE OPEN that you miss red flags and fail to ask questions you will be disappointed and sadly, confused in the end.

3. If he isn't right for your future daughter, then he isn't right for you.  in other words, if you see things in him that you would advise your own would be child against...take your own advice!

4. If you are single and this doesn't apply to you....each one teach one.


Be Blessed~

Coach Jessica